“There is a reason you see so many fat joggers” and other stupid comments

A few months ago I was at running based workout that I signed up for to challenge me to improve my running. I was super excited for it because I like to challenge myself do things I don’t normally do (both physically and otherwise). Running has completely changed my life and my views on my body and relationship with health (a blog for another time) so of course I was excited to try something different. Before we got started, the leader who happened to be a former male olympic athlete was sharing his experience with running/sprinting and then went on to say “There is a reason you see so many fat joggers” No, this is not taken out of context. That is what he said. He was explaining the benefit of sprinting on the body (fair enough) and the session was informative and challenging, BUT the issue I have with it is that it’s insensitive and stupid and not in any way helpful to the group of women that were there (some regular runners, some beginner runners, and some people that had never run, but were nervous about it and dealing with their own views about their bodies and fitness so this isn’t exactly a helpful or necessary thing to say). If someone asked a specific question about body weight and sprinting vs. jogging then sure go ahead share away, but that’s not what happened.

It implies that if you are “fat” you are somehow flawed. That fitness can only look one way.(Interesting because I have seen "fit" look a hell of a lot of different ways and come in so many shapes and sizes) It also implies there is something wrong in some way with jogging. You are only doing it right if YOU ARE SLIM, a weight that falls into this male’s preferred body weight and run at a certain speed. AWESOME!!! Guess that crosses off most people from the list that enjoy physical activity just to enjoy it because it makes them feel good about themselves. Fitness for the sake of feeling good/strong is overrated. Fitness so you can fit into society’s ideal of what it should be is the goal isn’t it!? (I missed that memo, my bad)

There are tons of athletes/people that would identify as being fat and prove that it does not equate with athletitic ability or worth. Here is a quick example: Say hello to Michelle Carter who took up a gold medal for team USA at the Olympics in shot put and another hello to Sarah Robles, a powerhouse weight lifter who recently said:“I have a bronze medal and I was able to be myself, embrace my body, do the things I’m naturally fitted to do to help make my dreams come true.... To challenge ‘normal’ ideals is an important thing....It’s cool to be me. I’m big and strong and putting it all for good use.”

These are my people. These women are my inspiration. Big, small, any size. I love the olympics because it truly shows that health and fitness comes in SO many different shapes and sizes.

Can you only be one size to be athletic? HELL NODo people think this?HELL YES. (though they probably won't admit it and will hide it)

It is wrong. I know plenty of people that are bigger or smaller than me and that are incredible. I know petite girls that can lift a ridiculous account of weight/crush any arm wresting challenge with most men/women but are often thought to be weak. I know larger girls that are thought to be slow or lazy, but can run 10 times faster then me and can get into yoga poses that I can only dream of (I’ve got shavasana on lockdown in case you were wondering).

There is no one right way to look or be fit. Some people want bigger musles and some people want to be slimmer. At the moment I am into arms. I want to walk around looking like a bad ass B with strong muscular ams. That’s a specific goal I am into at the moment. I’m also working on a bit of internval training with my JOGGING so I can go faster at certain parts (see: very end of a race when you see finish line and want your chocolate milk/free bananna) Does this make me better? No! Do you have to do it? NO! Might I change my mind tomorrow and make up new goals? Quite possibly!

We should support/respect and cheer people on no matter how they look or what they want to do. I personally think walking is amazing exercise and always get mad at clients that say they “JUST WALK.” You guys!! Walking for long periods (or short) is so good for you. You are moving your body. It’s amazing. Get that walk on, you powerhouse.

Cheers to me, cheers to you and cheers to all the other fat joggers out there. Let’s be fat and jog together. Let’s be thin and jog together. Let’s be whatever fucking size we want to be and jog/skip/do yoga/playtennis/dowhatever the hell we want to do that makes us feel good TOGETHER. And how about we stop judging people that do not fit a narrow-minded view of what health and fitness looks like!? 

It’s okay to not be okay

A few days ago I shared a post on Facebook about world mental health day and as I shared I realized I had more to say about it. I’m not going to share stats because I’ve never met someone experiencing something in this realm that reads a stat and thinks, “Gee, that’s really helpful” This is a simple post hoping that it helps *one* person out there reading it feel a bit more normal and a bit less alone. SO… HI. HELLO! This is me checking in with you to remind you that it’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to be sad, anxious, depressed, mad, happy, cheerful, enthusiastic. It’s okay to be any emotion. (I threw in the happy ones because I think sometimes we feel bad about being happy as well - especially when others around us are down).

It’s okay to have feelings and feel stuck. And it is also okay if it takes you more than 48 hrs to get out of it.

The thing that is not okay is feeling alone is those feelings and thinking you are the only one that feels them. You are not. 

If you are brave enough to reach out to someone for help and they don’t get it or don’t understand and don’t know how to help… don’t stop. Try again. A lot of people don’t know how to respond to someone telling them they are depressed or anxious and end up saying really stupid things that they don’t mean to be stupid but can leave you feeling even more frustrated and alone than if you didn’t say anything to begin with. (See: “ just go for a run” “just get out of bed” “just….” ) And I know that you are thinking “ugh, you don’t get it” when someone says that. WELL I GET IT.

You are not alone. Or stuck. And it’s never just you that feels that way, even though it can feel like that.

And it’s also okay. It’s okay to feel the way you do. It’s okay to feel crappy sometimes. It’s okay if the biggest accomplishment of your day is taking a shower (I have been there). - Take the shower though - it really does help. It's okay if you have 38765678 thoughts in your head at once and worry about something, but then also get annoyed at yourself for worrying about it and then get anxious that you are worrying about worrying.

YES, I want you to be happy. No, I am not happy myself 24/7 because that would be crazy and I'm not a fictional Disney character (nor are you). Yes, I want you to feel motivated, but sometimes that is hard. This is why I believe little things make a big difference. No, I don’t want you to feel alone. This is ME. saying you are not alone.

Also, just because you don’t identify yourself as depressed or anxious or going through something and you think “I don’t need to talk to anyone I’m okay, I just feel a bit BLAH.” Well you know what? That’s okay too. A lot of times we don’t want to put on label on ourselves so we go through big chunks of time where we feel like sh*t and we might even feel guilty about it. It’s OK TO FEEL LIKE SHIT SOMETIMES. REALLY. WE ALL DO.

Maybe you think of your life and think It’s pretty awesome and you think “UGH, why am I still struggling with this? Maybe someone else says to you  that your life is great/they are so jealous of something you have going on. The truth is that you still feel bad. WELL THAT IS OKAY. You don’t have to prove your feelings or wish them away or rationalize them. Its okay to have them. And yes, it IS still shitty.  There are millions of others out there (myself included) that do understand how you feel. You are normal and yes it sucks sometimes to be a normal human, but you are not alone so don’t be scared to open a dialogue about it.

Email me—> kim@fuelthehappy.com if you simply need someone to write an email to to share your feelings or if you want to be direction on where to get more help. Maybe you know me, maybe you don’t, but I am ONE person right HERE that sees you, hears you and completely understands how sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed or have conversations with people. That’s okay. You don’t have to pretend.

Some helpful tips for you if feeling down:

  • give yourself alone time when you need it
  • figure out what self-care looks like for you. Maybe it’s eating cookies on a Thursday evening, maybe it’s a massage, maybe it’s a hot long shower, Maybe it’s time with friends.
  • if someone asks how you are, don’t feel obligated to say “Good, you?” If you tell the truth, chances are the person you are talking to has been there and gets it. They might not though so make sure you spend time with good people.
  • don’t say yes to things you do not want to say yes. Seriously. I say no all the time. Sure, I look/sound/act like I’m going on 97 years old and my actual grandma is cooler than I am, (FACT) but I also like to go to sleep by 11pm and don’t like alcohol all that much so there you go. I know what works for me. What works for you? Figure it out and do it and do not apologize for being you.
  • buy some nice candles to make your home smell and feel warm and cozy.
  • don’t be scared of carbs (they taste great, eat the damn carbs)
  • Read experiences of other people that have been where you are and felt how you felt to remind you that you are not stuck or alone and maybe just maybe you won't feel that way forever.
  • When you feel stuck thing of the one smallest thing you CAN do and do it and then feel good about doing that thing. If it’s walking for 10 min/sending an email, making a sandwich, going home after work instead of joining people at happy hour - doesn’t matter, what it is. Just do the one thing. Even if you think it won't make a difference - DO IT. And don't put pressure on yourself to do it perfectly. You don't need to go for a 3 mile run. Walking for 10 min really will help. Simple things. Easy things. Don't try to be everything for everyone. Be what you need to be and do what you need to do for yourself.

Friends/family/If someone reaches out to you or you sense something is up, here are some helpful things to say/do:

  • Ask, “How can I help?” They might say “nothing or I don’t know or you don’t get it” Then you should say “Well I am always here for you, no matter what you do need or don’t need”
  • Offer help like this: “do you want to share and talk?" but ALSO offer stupid chat. By stupid chat I mean sometimes when you can’t stop thinking or feel bad, the last thing you want to do is talk about how you are feeling so offer stupid conversation about reality TV or something silly a celebrity did, or tell them a funny story about your day. It’s refreshing to have normal conversations.
  • Just hang out and don’t chat. Watch TV and bake cookies. Stop by to say hello and have a quick catch up. Be there and be there consistently. Either physically or by text.
  • Don’t stop inviting them to things, but invite them without pressure in a casual way like “hey, I was thinking of going to so and so area, I’ll be walking around there for a few hrs if you want to join just text me” That way they can opt in if they want but don’t have to say yes to then change their invite to no at the last minute and feel anxious about it.
  • Listen. Make eye contact, reassure, never judge or make assumptions.

As always I would love for your to share this, but especially if you think someone out there just needs a reminder that they are not alone. Sometimes reading something ONE person says can make a world of a difference. XO ————

Additional Resources to check out:

https://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources http://www.nami.org/Find-Support http://www.mind.org.uk/ https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html

*Do you have any greats links/suggestions/organizations I should list? Please comment below or email me.

How to take a compliment, even when it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I love giving out compliments. I see someone with killer lipstick in the grocery store? I tell them I love it. I don’t walk around saying I like things when I don’t and hate when other people do. Ever have someone give you a fake compliment? I have. It’s awkward and weird and leaves you thinking “Who is this a**” You can tell the difference. I’m not talking about when it’s fake, I’m talking about when it is real and it is genuine. I notice often enough that if it’s me giving one or I just overhear a compliment, sometimes people (especially us women folk) have a hard time taking it. We feel uncomfortable, weird, or just don’t know how to respond.

What I hear/see when compliment giving:

  • “Oh really… do you think so??”
  • laugh/giggle then “no…”
  • downplay whatever someone is complimenting you on by pointing something else out

Example: Stranger/Friend: You have such beautiful hair. Response: oh! thank you…yea, I wish I could do more with it though. Example: Stranger/Friend: I really love your top Response: Thanks - I got it on sale for 15 dollars. I wish I could be more stylish. Example: Stranger/Friend: You have such great legs, so fit Response: Thanks, but ugh I wish my arms were more toned

Instead of that, TRY THIS:

  • “Thank you”
  • “Thank you so much!”
  • “That’s nice of you to say, thanks”
  • Or just “Thanks!”

When someone says you are really good at something, they are impressed with how you (fill in the blank with impressive things you do, they love your (fill in blank with all the lovable things about you) JUST SAY THANK YOU!

You don’t have to create a whole story. You don’t have to downplay.

If you have a great top, rock it. If you are beautiful, rock it. If your lipstick looks amazing today, own it, If you are great at math - GO YOU and come out to dinner with me because it's always good to have someone to split the group tab. If someone gives you a compliment, take it!!!

No, buts No explanations No second guessing No trying to make yourself small because you don’t think you deserve it or don’t want to outshine someone.

Sure, It can be a bit uncomfortable sometimes if someone says something to you that’s nice and you aren’t used to hearing or you feel like you shouldn’t.

Let yourself shine. (I know that sounds cheesy, but I’m serious) Own it. Say thank you.

The sooner you can take a compliment the sooner you will really believe what another person is saying about you and that compliment they gave you. YES, you are pretty. YES, you are smart and good at things, YES you are talented. Thank you and The End.

Why you do not need to tell everyone how busy you are. Busy is not better.

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You know when you ask someone how they are and they say "OMG SO BUSY" and then list all the million and one things they are doing/have seen/ate/experienced/planned? No one cares. It's annoying. We are all busy.

I’m so glad you are feeling excited/happy/wonderful I’m also sad you are feeling lonely/depressed/anxious. I feel all the feels with you.

But I don’t need a play by play of ALL the parts of your day.

Back when I started coaching I used to over explain what I did.

Why did I do this? Because at the start you want people to get it and you have moments of insecurity (Maybe you are never insecure, but I sometimes was and I’m human so I still have times where I am in life!) and thought that the more I explain, the more this person will get it. Now I don’t do this because no one cares about the 10 interesting things I’m doing. Well some do, but usually not really. I used to feel like I had to prove what I was doing. Now I just do my own thing. As long as long as I feel good about it, then I’m doing it right.

What I have noticed - and again this might not be true for you, but it’s what I have seen in other people/myself is that when someone does this - when they need to tell you all the bits of their productivity/busyness it is coming from a place of insecurity. It comes from a place of feeling like you have to come off a certain way because you don’t want the other person to think you are boring/lazy/stupid/uninteresting (insert other shitty adjectives). Telling/sharing every bit of your day/busyness/productivity becomes a way to make sure the other person doesn’t think they are any of those adjectives.

Does anyone want their friend, colleague, mom, sister, post office delivery man to think they are less than amazing everyday? No, of course not! But in reality you are the only one that really matters. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Your busyness does not equate to being better/best/good.

So when someone asks you “what did you do this weekend?” It doesn’t have to be: “I woke up and then got my nails done and went for a run before hitting the gym and saw my friend Susan and went shopping (got 2 things on sale!) and then made my own pizza for my girls night pizza party then watched 4 episodes of house of cards. Sunday was crazy I had brunch with some friends then volunteered at the animal shelter for 4 hours then made some delicious gluten free pasta for dinner. I'm SO tired, but it was so great.”

I LOVE THAT YOU DID ALL THOSE THINGS, but you do NOT have anything to prove. It’s great if you are busy. It’s great if you are not busy. One is not better than the other. Just do your thing girl. Keep being you. If that looks like making gluten free pasta and volunteering for 4 hours and hanging out with Susan - AWESOME. If that means painting your nails and eating snacks in between streaming shows on Netflix (I know nothing about that scenario…) - AWESOME!

Either way - don’t feel the need to give proof of your busyness/productivity/general greatness because you don’t want someone else to think you negatively about you. They might and it’s okay. You listing a to do list won't change their opinion. No one thinks happy positive thoughts about everyone all the time. If you feel good about your day and your life then that's what is really important - not the gluten free pasta you made from scratch.

At what point do we stop thinking we are capable of absolutely anything?

At what point do we stop thinking we are capable of absolutely anything?

At what point do we stop trying new things because we don’t want to fail?

Because we are worried what someone else will say about it?

Because we don’t want to be judged?

Because we don’t think we can do it.

Or maybe we are afraid to even try.

When we are younger and someone asks “what do you want to be when you grow up” You don’t say "well I want to be president, but…” “well I want to be a doctor, but I can’t” “well I want to be an artist but...”

You don’t give the "buts". You just say what you want to be. A police officer, an artist, a pilot, a zookeeper - there are just ideas and options and anything is possible.

Why does that stop? YES life happens. We get older. We have bills. We have responsibilities. OF COURSE. But what about that spirit of trying new things, dreaming, going after something without hesitation, fear of messing up or failure. THAT doesn’t have to go anywhere. So why let it?

You can still be that person you left behind long ago.

Don’t stop having dreams because you are afraid you might be disappointed or you might fail.

Yea, sure you might be disappointed and YES you are probably going to fail and mess up. Or maybe you start and it turns out completely differently. BUT WHO CARES? You do it, you try it, you mess up, you learn and then guess what? You try the next thing. 

Anyone in your life that needs to hear this message? Share away!  And PLEASE remind yourself on the days that you are scared or worried about getting something wrong, messing up, failing, not being perfect or doing it the "right way." It's okay - we all mess up and we learn and succeed and sometimes we fail again. That person you want to be - she is on the other side of taking a risk and trying something new. Why don't you go hang out with her? I hear she's pretty cool.

Excuses I Make To Get Out of Exercising (and how to deal with them)

Do you find yourself always coming up with reasons of why you can't exercise even though knowing in the back of your head you do have time? Yea, I do it too. Let's get into it and figure out how to challenge those excuses shall we...

Excuse: "I’ll do it tomorrow."

Solution: No, no Kim you probably wont. If I say this I know it’s a 50/50 that I will do something. More often then not if I say tomorrow it will turn into 3 days from now. I will put my workout clothes on earlier than I am going to workout. Let’s say I don’t want to work out in the morning. I say later. If I just say later and don’t put them on, I won’t do it so I might put them on at 10AM but not actually work out until 6pm (yes -really) This only works if I am working from home.

Other things I have done that work: carrying workout clothes and shoes WITH me so that I have to change into them. The key is making sure you have what you need when you need it so you have less of a reason to come up with a reason of why you can’t. Maybe you don’t end up going for run, but because you packed your sneakers in your bag you can walk for 20 minutes on your lunch break and that’s brilliant.

Excuse: "I don’t have enough time."

Solution: Yes you do. Maybe you don’t have time to go for an hour run or go to a 45 spin class or do a 30 minute at home youtube video, but YOU DO HAVE TIME do to something for 10 minutes. What this looks like for me? I like Jillian Michaels work out DVDs which are 25-30 min. If I can only do 10 minute I will literally only do 10 min Or I’ll outside and run (ok….walk aggressively) up and down the stairs for 5 - 10 min. I’m serious. Maybe someone else would say “that’s not good enough, you won’t get in shape that way” but you know what? For me it is. It works. I think for you it will too. That way I am still getting *something* in, no matter how small and then I don’t go 3 days without any exercise.

Excuse: "I’m not fit enough"

Solution: I know this one. I’ve used it for AGES. You think, “I can’t go to that class. Everyone is thin and fit and I”m not yet” You will never be fit if you don’t go. You have to tell yourself that you are the badass that you are and it doesn’t matter if you first last, you just got to do it. I know this one is hard, but you have to start somewhere. Sure, maybe you want to just start up with going for walks in the neighborhood because you don’t feel ready to go to that class, but know that you might never feel ready. I go to a bootcamp where I am sure 80% (ok 90!) of the other women are in much better shape. Seriously they are AMAZING. I love being around it because I know that I will get there as well. Getting there is not going to start with me not going because “I’m not fit enough” I deal with this one by just doing it. When I”m there I don’t watch what other people do. I focus on my own progress. AKA me thinking "Can I get though this class without stopping?" For me, that’s good enough. I know you can do it too. *NOTE: Know yourself. Don't sign up for a super intense class just because you are feeling extra motivated and then go and feel bad because you are not on the same level and the instructor makes you feel bad about it. Trust yourself, know what you need and know a level that is good to challenge yourself without passing out/feeling like you are going to die. <3 

Excuse: "I don’t have money. It’s too expensive."

Solution: You don’t have to join a gym or a class. There are plenty of videos on Youtube. I mentioned above, but I paid 10 dollars for my Jillian Michaels workout so when I don’t have internet I can still do it. There are load of other YouTubers doing workouts. You can also walk outside. It is cold where you are? Go to a local mall or shopping center and walk there. Stairs? Find some. Walk up and down them. Go to Target and buy weights then go on Pinterest and find some simple workouts. Let me know if you need more quick and easy ideas. If you do like to workout with others instead of a gym, often local community centers will offer classes at a very cheap price. Check that out or go on meetup.com to see other options.

Excuse: "I don’t like to run, zumba, spin, do situps. I hate it all."

Solution: What do you like? DON’T do something you hate. I don’t like yoga. I want to be someone that likes yoga and is really into it- but that’s just not me. Maybe 6 months from now that will be me, but it’s not currently. If I do it and I don’t like the class then I won’t exercise because I just spent time doing something I didn’t want to do and I'll use that as an excuse. FIND WHAT YOU LIKE. Is it walking? GREAT! Make yourself a killer power walking playlist and set aside time during the week to make walking your go to fitness. What about roller derby? pilates? boxing? pole dance? There are so many things. Don’t knock something until you try and and if you try and it and you don’t like it - that is okay. Keep trying until you uncover something you do enjoy. I’m sure that there is SOMETHING out there. Maybe it’s table tennis, maybe it’s belly dancing. Try new workouts a few times then if you don’t like it - find something else. Here is a fun list of alternative workouts.

Do any of these excuses sound familiar? What else do you come up with? These excuses can apply to so many things in life so definitely think about what else you are making excuses for and how you can challenge those ideas.

How may times have you said: “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I’ll start monday” “I’ll start the first day of the month” “ugh I don’t have any time” “I’m so tired I just can’t” or “I won't be able to keep up” “I can’t do that” “I will look stupid”

How far has that taken you? As you read this - can you plan something you will do today? Run? go to a class? Go for a 10 minute walk? This is not me saying If you don’t exercise now,  go out and plan to work out 5x this week because I think that’s a bad idea. Going from 0 - 60 means you could be setting yourself up for failure or you succeed but then the next week you don’t do anything. It’s about consistency and figuring out what will work for you in your life the way it looks now whether that is 10 minutes working out 2x a week or daily workouts for an hour. There is no right or wrong. There is just doing it and stopping the excuses you make to tell other people and yourself of why you can’t. I know you can do it. It's not about being thin. It's not about losing weight. It's not about doing something because you think you should. It's about feeling good, feeling strong, and clearing your head. Find your own motivations and reasons and stick to what is going to work for you.

Need more support on this? Send me an email Kim@fuelthehappy.com and let me know or jump over to my FB page and let’s chat there.  I would love to hear from you. Tell me what you are going to commit to or try this week. I also post my some of my ridiculous workout selfies here and would love to see your snaps!

There is not such thing as too little in my book. If someone tells you otherwise well, they suck and let’s not invite them to our lunch table okay?

I can't decide what to do. Why you can't make a decision and what to do about it.

Indecision is not a decision. Sometimes it is hard to decide. Sometimes we choose to not make a decision just because it's easier to deal with later - or so we tell ourselves. What is stopping you from making a decision?

What is it? What can’t you decide? Is it what to eat for dinner? A dress to get for a wedding? Or is it something bigger, like a job promotion? Or just generally what to do with your career?

I think you do know what you want. I think the indecisiveness is not that you don’t know. It’s that you do know, but that you are afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of something going wrong, afraid of something not being perfect or doing something the wrong way.

 

  • How much time have you wasted not making a decision?
  • Where is it getting you?
  • Why are you procrastinating?
  • What is life going to be like if you keep doing this?
  • Do you really want to stay stuck in the not making decision holding pattern? It sounds frustrating.

If everything does go wrong is it going to be okay? Yes it will be. Even if it’s not right away, eventually you will be. Move to a new country and you hate it? That’s okay, you don’t have to stay there forever. Buy a pair of shoes you don’t like? Return them! Seriously. I know I am comparing moving and shoes but the same thoughts are at play. You don’t buy the shoes because you aren’t sure. You know you need them and want them, but you aren’t sure if they are right. Are they going to go with everything? Maybe you should just wear the ones you already have at home. Should you spend money on this? What if you really need that money for something else? What if you buy them and you hate them or they don't go with anything or they are uncomfortable? SHIT. Then what?

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s all the same. All these decisions are going back and forth about all the possibilities of everything. SO many things can happen. That’s life. Procrastinating from making a decision is another way to sit on the sidelines of your life and not be an active participant. Try it. Make decisions. When someone asks you where you want to go for dinner - don’t say “I don’t know, what were you thinking” Tell them what you want. You probably know. Listen to yourself. I don’t care if it’s shoes or dinner or breaking up with your boyfriend, quitting a job, signing up for a pilates class or calling your mom back - just do it. It’s that simple. Things might go wrong, but they might also go the way you want.

Give this a try: Tell someone about it or write your ideas out or talk to yourself in the mirror (yes really) Pretend you have made that decision. How do you feel having made it? When describing it, how does it feel? What does your life look like if you envision yourself having gone down that route?

Don’t let the fear of getting something wrong stop you from moving forward.

 

Tired of waiting to make decisions? Send me a message and let’s chat. I will give you a free 30 minute breakthrough session to bust though your decision making mental blocks. Isn't it time you stopped talking about how you are the worst at making decisions and instead talk about all the great things you have done?

Comparing yourself to others and why that just sucks

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Something that often comes up for ME all the time in my personal life, my friends lives and my brave, awesome clients is comparing yourself to others. Why do we do it? We know it’s bad - but we can’t help it.

For me what this looks like currently is looking at other coaches and thinking OMG I should be doing that. OMG I need to add that/do that. I need to have that program. I need to post blogs every week. I need to follow this perfect formula that is sure to work and that means I’ll be successful and everyone will love me. Bullshit. I know it, you know it, but still we do it. Maybe it’s that you are comparing yourself to how great someone looks in the same pair of jeans you have, or where they are in their career, or how great their hair always looks, or their relationship with their boyfriend. CUT IT OUT LADIES! We are all in this together. No matter where you are - you are not better than anyone else nor is anyone else better than you. We are just different.

The funny this is that 1/2 the time, the things I think I *need* are things someone else does that actually I have no interest in implementing, I know my audience wouldn’t care about and really I know I wouldn’t enjoy doing. That’s how it usually is. We see something in someone else and it’s cool/different/pretty/sparkly and we want it. But do we need it? Is that really where we want to be or where we need to be.

This is when I have to remind myself to stay in my own lane and that my journey is my own. People are always at different places and where I am now and what I am doing is good for me. I don’t need to have it all figured out - nor do I want to because really what is the fun in that.

Tips to follow to stop comparing yourself to others:

  • Remind yourself what is great about YOU and what you are doing. Seriously say it out loud and jot it down on a piece of paper. Three things. Do it now.
  • Ask yourself if what they have / are doing is really something you want or just something you think you should want?
  • Are you happy and just trying to find a way to make yourself not be happy because you don’t think you deserve it?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t plan for and go for all those cool/crazy/awesome things that other people are doing or how they look or how many days a week they go to the gym. I’m saying that it is good to set goals and make plans - but make sure they are plans for the life you want to live - not a life you think you should be living or one that looks great for someone else.

Stick to your path and rock the shit out of the life you have.

Full disclosure: I'm still working on it as well. Some days I'm on top of it - other days I need to stick a good motivational quote on the wall and constantly repeat to myself to focus on my own race. Really, that's the only one that matters anyway.

Agree with what I'm saying? I would love for you to share this post with anyone that can relate. You can sign up for my updates here if you want to hear more about quitting the comparison game.

Blog Procrastination and My First Post!

My First Post

Oh, hey there!

Let’s be real. This blog has been ready to go for some time now. Why hasn’t it? I didn’t feel “ready." I felt like I needed to have 20 posts ready to go before I hit send. Where did that get me? It left me without a blog. I felt like whatever I published was going to be the final version so it had to be PERFECT. Because you can’t change or edit a blog or anything like that can you… oh of course not. Then I took the advice I often give clients: GET OVER YOURSELF. JUST DO IT. So hello world. HERE I AM! I am getting over myself and sharing with the world. By world I mean my mom and 5 friends that will read this (Hi mom and 5 friends!)

I’ve thought a lot about why I have not hit “publish” and shared. Here are some of the reasons:

  • What are people going to think about this?
  • People just aren’t going to get it. Why is she talking about food/life/what the hell is fueling the happy?
  • People will critique my ideas, my writing style and of course my grammar (which yes, I realize is rarely correct)
  • What if I run out of things to say after a month?
  • AHHH being vulnerable is scary.
  • Can I even help anyone?
  • What if I change my mind about something I said?
  • Who even would want to read anything I say.
  • There are people already doing what I am doing. I’m late to the party.

This is all of it. I have allowed this to stop me from sharing my blog. I know why. As soon as I share this and go public then I am committing. I am committing to this dream that I have been quietly building for myself. Instead of only sharing with close family, friends and my clients - I am sharing with the world. I am putting myself out for people to judge me/make fun of me/criticize me. But you know what? I am also putting myself out there for people to celebrate me/cheer me on/really connect.  I am putting myself out there to help other people, motivate and inspire which is the whole point. By doing this, by sharing this website, I am stopping myself from having one foot in and one out. I am committing.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

Listening to the above advice from William Hutchinson Murray, I am going to BEGIN.

Hi, here I am. My name is Kim and I am on a mission to help women love themselves. I help women tell the voices in their heads that tell them they can’t do something that OF COURSE THEY FUCKING CAN (there will be naughty language on my blog - you are welcome). I want women to take the things that they have always wanted to do - the somedays and help them do it now. Hate you job? want to go to Fiji? want to lose weight? not happy with your friends? How long have you complained about this? What are you doing to change it? It is easier to complain about things than take action. Life is too short to waste it doing something/being around people that do not bring you happiness. I believe in fueling your happy. One of the areas I am most passionate about is food and healthy eating. Health and weight and how you *THINK* you look in a mirror often reflects the value you believe you have in the world. I believe that taking small steps in this area can help you take bigger steps in other areas. Or maybe you don’t have an issue with this and you are just sick of your job, but you have spent to last two years complaining about it to your friends and not taking steps to change something. This is the stuff that excites me. I love helping people create change and encouraging them to move forward.

Are some people going to think what am I doing is nonsense? Sure. Haters gunna hate. I’m here for people that on board with cutting out the BS, getting real and taking real action. This blog is going to be a public space for me to share with you challenges I face, adventures I go in, tons of discussion on food, friendships, fitness, body image, and the ups and downs of everyday life. I’m not going to carefully edit. I am going to say whatever pops into my head (much like being my friend in real life for those of you that know me well). I am not going to apologize for being me. Stay around and come back often if you want to join me. If you want to here about what will be next, sign up here.